ENDING DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
Our Choices newsletter discussed domestic violence in October 2017, 2016 and earlier Octobers. Why are we doing it again? Because “It’s still happening!”
We quote statistics – for instance, that domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to adult women in NYC – and statistics represent real, live people, most of them women, some of whom Choices counselors speak to every day. In addition, domestic violence and intimate partner violence are not only about broken bones and bruises from people we know most closely. This violence is about exerting power and control over another, most frequently, men over women. It can be psychological, sexual, emotional or financial. Whole families feel its impact.
Choices Stories
(names have been changed for privacy)
Stella came in to be tested for a sexually transmitted infection (STI) – in fact, she came in several different times, always tested positive and had to be treated. When her Choices counselor explored this with her, it turned out that her partner refused to put on a condom when they had sex. And when her STI tests came back positive he would guilt trip her and accuse her of infidelity. If untreated, this STI could make her sterile. Her Choices counselor explained that it was too dangerous for her to have unprotected sex and encouraged her to stand up for herself and her own well-being. The end of this story has not yet been written, but the last time she came in she tested negative for any infection.
Kayisha, a mother with several children, came in for an abortion. She was trying to cut ties with an abusive partner who, she said fearfully, would “kill me if he finds out I had an abortion.” Her Choices counselor assisted her in contacting an agency that helped her and her children get into a women’s shelter.
Forms of non-physical abuse include withholding money or important documents (such as immigration papers) and controlling access to friends and family by taking away cell phones and other means of communication. Physical abuse often develops after psychological and emotional abuse have become common. And physical and verbal assaults can have a traumatic effect on children. If homelife has partners who are abusive to each other, that can become learned behavior.
Esther Priegue, Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Choices Administrator, points out that “these situations show the importance of women developing a sense of self-worth, that they are valuable human beings and must and can stand up for themselves. They need to understand that their opinions and needs are important and that they deserve relationships free from coercion, threats or intimidation.” She emphasizes that even though partners may claim to “love” the person they abuse, the truth is that “love doesn’t hurt,” and that women need to know that they are worthy of respect and do not deserve any form of disrespect or violence.
They also must have a way out of an abusive relationship if needed, and Choices can help them, including finding a safe place to stay for themselves and their children. We work closely with Family Justice Centers (FJCs) in each borough, run by the NYC Mayor’s Office to End Domestic and Gender-Based Violence. FJCs provide a hub of services, including legal, counseling and different kinds of support, such as finding housing, all free and confidential. Safe Horizons is another valuable resource, providing social services to victims of abuse and crime at 57 locations through NYC,
If you need assistance in dealing with domestic/intimate partner violence, call 718-786-5000 to make an appointment today to see a Choices Behavioral Health Counselor.
As a student in Social Psychology years ago, I studied the relationship between what happens in society and people’s individual thoughts, feelings and behaviors. When I became actively involved in providing women’s reproductive healthcare, I saw this relationship come to life in the women and girls who came to the clinic. They were not here just for a medical service, but brought their whole world with them—their relationships, economic circumstances, dreams and challenges.
